When navigating divorce, it can feel impossible to resurface joy in your life. Your days are filled with hazy moments of survival and your nights are filled with tears. Even the fleeting moments of happiness can sometimes be closely followed with the sobering reminder that life is not the same anymore. After day in and day out of experiencing heavy lows, how do you find your way back to real joy? I’m glad you asked.
It’s been two years since my divorce was finalized and four since the split. After a 10-year marriage, it was incredibly hard bearing the brutal beginning. I initially turned to sources of joy that quickly and painfully revealed that they couldn’t offer me joy at all. Then I stumbled upon something real. A joy that I actually didn’t find at all… it found me at my lowest and hasn’t left me yet. And that’s what I’m eager to share with you now.
Most, if not all of the suggestions I give you for finding real joy again will be rooted in gratitude – gratitude for what you’ve learned, what you have in this very moment, and where you’re headed. But let me be starkly clear: more than what you should be grateful for is who you should be grateful for.
But I won’t spoil the surprise – let’s get into finding the good.
7 Keys to Finding Joy After Divorce
1. Grab a hold of God
As a believer in Christ, I would be remiss to not share my sole source of joy with you. His name is Jesus Christ. When I’ve wanted to give up on myself – and did in various ways – God did not give up on me. What does that mean? It means he kept me here, alive. He allowed breath to flow through my body on days when the only thing I had strength to do was breathe. He gave me mercy every time I abandoned myself and my needs by turning to medicating my pain instead of taking it to him.
While this may sound cliche, life and grace are two of the most valuable gifts from God that you have. I’ll use myself for example. God knew that even while suffering through the heartache and grief of divorce, I’d have to wake up and still be a mom to two kids, still shower and care for myself (most days), still work a fulltime job at a new company that I hadn’t built trust or rapport at yet, and still function as a human being in this world.
No one told me that grief would feel debilitating, but I’d still have to do life. Yet, when I found myself alone and up against every devastating thought, memory and piece of actual furniture reminding me of a life that had passed away, God was there with me.
Friend, none of the suggestions for joy, peace, and overcoming grief will be as important or as effective as this one: stay connected to God. If all you can do is cry, then cry. Your tears are prayers. Your groans of despair are prayers. And God is a God who hears even your inarticulate groans (Exodus 2:24-25). He will sit with you and restore you through the worst moments. And trust, as your strength returns, so will your joy. The bible tells us that the joy of the Lord is our strength (Nehemiah 8:10). That means if we want true joy, the kind that gives us strength, we must be connected to the Lord.
If you’re wondering how to do that, we’ll get into that later in this post. For now, remember that as you make time to pray, worship, and give God devotion every day, you will see the spark of joy grow within you and become the force that strengthens you through this new season. Now, let’s get into some practical ways to find joy!
2. Enjoy the good: Big and microscopically small
Some days, your best accomplishment will be getting dinner on the table. And baby, a win is a win. Take moments to celebrate when you have small wins like spending quality time with yourself or your kids. Or when you have the energy to clean your home. Or when you manage to take a 10 minute walk. Or if you get through the day without saying anything negative about yourself. Not every good thing will be monumental, but every good thing is always from God (James 1:17). And friend, God is always worth celebrating!
3. Have your identity crisis with cake (or whatever you love)
While I love a good health routine or weightloss journey, developing rigid routines while grieving can feel overwhelming. If you find yourself stressing about the overall newness of your day-to-day, give yourself time to adjust. Take a break from the rigid routines and focus on incorporating at least 1-2 things you truly enjoy into every day, even if right now those things look like a cup of your favorite ice cream or an episode (or 3) of your favorite trash TV show.
One of the best gifts you can give yourself in this season is mothering yourself. In the same way a mom would nurse an injured or sick child to health by waiting on them hand and foot, show up for yourself in the same way. Because you did sustain an injury, one that likely requires more recovery time than a physical injury, as the heart heals at its own pace.
4. Start over daily if you need to.
Embrace trial and error – you’ve never been this version of you before. Piggybacking off the previous point, you’re still adjusting to, learning, and in many ways developing a new rhythm of life. That means some days will be a hit and others will be a complete miss. And that’s okay. Be okay with “throwing the day away,” as my bestie and I would tell each other when we felt like our day went horribly. And start new tomorrow.
Tweak your schedule, your recipes, your grocery method as you need to. During the early months of my divorce, I went one whole month without stepping foot into a grocery store because I simply couldn’t. And that brought me so much joy until I gained the strength and interest to go outside again. The only way you’re going to find what works for you, is to be willing to try something new.
5. Write down every win.
Sometimes the cure for an emotional meltdown is reminders of all the good. As a journal lover, I cannot not suggest writing. Reflection is a powerful tool for healing. When you’re braving life’s ups and downs day in and day out, it’s so easy to forget all the wins you’ve had. Journaling is a great way to document the good, as well as the bad and the ugly. Why the good, bad, and ugly? Because you’ll be able to look back in the future and see what you’ve overcome. So in essence, capturing the bad will contribute to your good. You are strong beyond your belief, and sometimes you just need that reminder.
6. Prepare for a new beginning at the pace you prefer.
Yes, a chapter has ended for you, but that means you’re on the cusp of a new beginning. And you get to decide what “new beginning” means for you. It could mean a brand new wardrobe or it could mean a new robe. The pace is fully up to you. I experienced both ends of the spectrum – completely overhauling certain aspects of my life (like the type of car and home I chose), while moving slower with other aspects of my life (like the interior design of my home). It was important to me that my kids didn’t feel like they were dropped into a brand new reality that no longer felt like the home they were accustomed to, and honestly I wanted that for myself too.
Then, as the months and seasons passed, I began slowly swapping out decor and furniture in my home that I was ready to let go of. Today, very few things in my home are the same, and it’s something I’m proud of. I have turned my home into my sanctuary, with pieces that reflect what me and my boys love and enjoy today. But that process was a slow one, and yours can be too.
7. Have fun again. Period.
This one is underrated. Healing through heartbreak became a better experience for me when I didn’t solely focus on the serious matters like grieving, adjusting, or parenting. Healing became easier when I also incorporated some fun into my day-to-day life. That’s right. Not putting fun off until the weekends or vacations, but finding something fun to do as often as once a day. In doing this, I first discovered how much joy I find in going to concerts, exploring new spices and dishes, reading memoirs, and finding and writing at new coffee shops.
Later in my healing journey, I embraced things that I didn’t have the courage to do when I was married, like cutting my hair, solo traveling (to the cutest Getaway cabin that was one of my favorite trips of 2024), serving in multiple capacities in my church and dare I say – eating cereal for dinner. This may be a season of healing and grieving for you, but who said that can’t involve fun, too?!
The Good News: Not All Relationships End
I hope you were encouraged by this post. There’s a lot we can do to better navigate through rough patches of life like divorce. Before I go though, I want to make sure you know what the best thing you can do is. That’s entering into a relationship that will never end… one with Jesus Christ. He is the best gift you can give yourself today.
Through him, his love for you, and the sacrifice of his life for your sins, you can have a life you never would’ve imagined. God loves you so much that even when humanity fell into sin, he already had a plan to restore his relationship with you.
God gave his only son – who died on a cross, was buried, and rose from the dead – so that you could have eternal life. And not eternal life that starts when this life ends, but one that starts the moment you believe.
The kind of life God wants for you is an abundant life, filled with love, joy, peace, prosperity and purpose. Will it be perfect and you never experience hardship again? No. Unfortunately, suffering is a part of humanity, and God never promised that you wouldn’t suffer sometimes.
What God does promise you is that:
- You’ll never have to suffer alone (Matthew 28:20).
- You’ll have supernatural help and grace when you suffer (Hebrews 4:16).
- And your suffering will never be in vain (Romans 8:18).
If you’re going to have to endure hardship anyway, why not do it with the only one who has defeated every hardship known to man (Hebrews 4:15)… including death itself (Revelation 1:18)? After all, no one else in this universe can promise to never leave you or forsake you and actually live up to it (Hebrews 13:5).
Ready to take the next step?
Say these statements aloud:
- I repent of my sins and ask you God to forgive me.
- I believe that God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life (John 3:16).
- God, I receive you as my Lord and savior and I accept your gift of eternal life.
If you said each of those statements with sincerity, then friend, you now have eternal life. It begins TODAY and you can consider yourself saved. Write down today’s date because it’s your spiritual birthday… Because if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old things have passed away; behold, the new has come into being (2 Corinthians 5:17).
All of heaven and its angels are rejoicing (Luke 15:10)… and so am I!
Welcome to the family!
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