Embracing Single Life After Divorce: A Christian Perspective

January 16, 2025

Not enough is said about how hard it is to go from consistent access to companionship to doing life solo. I’m not solely talking about intimacy. Sure, that factor has its challenges, especially during certain times of the month. But there are much deeper struggles that come with divorce. From feelings of loneliness or inadequacy to childhood trauma and fears, the emotional transition from happily ever after back to single life is jarring.

Where there was once a best friend who knew more about you than anyone else, there stands a void. On good days, you laughed, and on bad days, you bickered. But no matter what the day held, someone was there to endure or enjoy it with you.

So what do you do when life finds you single again — two, twelve, or twenty years later? How do you navigate the flood of emotions, resentment, and brokenness that come with such a monumental shift? Add the layer of wanting to please God in every area of your life, and the hurdles are doubled.

It’s going on two years since I’ve been divorced (almost four since the original split). And I am still grappling with my current reality. I love and trust God wholeheartedly with my future. Yet, I still have days when all I want to do is cry. I want to kick and scream about what my life currently looks like compared to what I imagined when I said ‘I do’ nearly 13 years ago.

I know for sure I don’t want to return to my previous life, but at times I fear what it will take to walk into my future. What wilderness awaits? How long will I be there? Will I be blessed to experience a Godly marriage, and not just in this lifetime, but while my kids are young enough to also reap the benefits? With a host of questions and worries bombarding me daily, how do I press forward?

How to Navigate Another Single Season

If God’s grace is sufficient for my tantrums and grief and He still has plans for me – plans to prosper me and not harm me, plans to give me hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11), there remains one question. How does one navigate the influx of emotions of walking into another single season (this time with full knowledge of what married life was like)? Here’s what God is revealing to me daily: you don’t.

The definition of navigate is to plan and direct the route or course of a form of transportation. Simply put, it is to steer.

As a woman of God, if I truly want to please God in all that I do, I must be willing to relinquish all steering control to God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. I cannot be in control and say that I trust God to direct my path. I have to submit to the one best at steering. Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us: Trust in the LORD with all your heart; And lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. That command (sealed with a promise) is not for my romantic life alone; it’s for every aspect of my life.

To trust God is to drop all of what I think I understand concerning me. It is to acknowledge God as the one in charge of navigating my life, and to allow Him to direct me. I will indeed feel feelings, grieve, and straight up dislike God’s will for me at times. We see Jesus struggle with the same thing in the Garden of Gethsemane where he prays the same prayer to God three times about taking this cup (dying on the cross) from Him. He says that his soul is sorrowful, even unto death, conveying how heavy these feelings were weighing on Him, and yet He ends His prayer with: [God] your will be done.

Jesus Prays in Gethsemane

³⁶Then Jesus went with them to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to his disciples, “Sit here, while I go over there and pray.”
³⁷And taking with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, he began to be sorrowful and troubled.
³⁸Then he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.”
³⁹And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.”
⁴⁰And he came to the disciples and found them sleeping. And he said to Peter, “So, could you not watch with me one hour?
⁴¹Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
⁴²Again, for the second time, he went away and prayed, “My Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink it, your will be done.”
⁴³And again he came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were heavy.
⁴⁴So, leaving them again, he went away and prayed for the third time, saying the same words again.
⁴⁵Then he came to the disciples and said to them, “Sleep and take your rest later on. See, the hour is at hand, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners.
⁴⁶Rise, let us be going; see, my betrayer is at hand.”

What this says to me is that as a child of God – divorced, single, or otherwise – I will find myself in circumstances that will be so sorrowful I will want to die. And yet obedience to God’s will is still required. That may sound horrible, but with obedience comes God’s protection, provision and promises. How do I know this? Let’s look quickly at 1 Peter 5:10.

Why Obedience Is the Best Option

1 Peter 5:10 says: And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

My obedience to whatever God asks of me, whatever season God calls me to, whatever assignment God requires of me, whatever relationship status I find myself in, may result in suffering. However, God will not leave me in that suffering forever. He won’t even leave me there long.

His Word promises that after a little while, He himself – not my husband-to-be, not a stiff drink, not a numbing drug, not a longtime friend, and not even ministry – will restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish me.

I think it not odd (using my pulpit voice now because I’ve gotten excited writing this), that all the things God promises to do are similar to what a marriage promises (to restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish). Yet, His promises don’t stop there. Walking with God daily comes with the promise that he’ll take care of you even in the midst of trouble.

In Psalm 23, it says we can walk through the valley of the shadow of death and fear no evil. Why? Because God is WITH US. Even His rod (of correction) and staff (the shepherd’s staff of leadership) are comfort to us because He’s with us when we misstep and when we’re in need of guidance. Despite what circumstance I find myself in, God is with me. That alone comforts me.

As hard as it may be to accept, we cannot know step-by-step how to navigate from divorce to single life. We do have one cheat code though. To know Jesus is to know everything we need to know. He is the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6). When you find yourself overwhelmed, emotional, anxious, or drained by the changes and challenges of this unpredictable life, focus on who God is. Allow Him to do the leading. He knows the best way forward because he IS the best way forward.

Praying for you friend!

The Good News: Not All Relationships End

I hope you were encouraged by this post. There’s a lot we can do to better navigate through rough patches of life like divorce. Before I go though, I want to make sure you know what the best thing you can do is. That’s entering into a relationship that will never end… one with Jesus Christ. He is the best gift you can give yourself today.

Through him, his love for you, and the sacrifice of his life for your sins, you can have a life you never would’ve imagined. God loves you so much that even when humanity fell into sin, he already had a plan to restore his relationship with you.

God gave his only son – who died on a cross, was buried, and rose from the dead – so that you could have eternal life. And not eternal life that starts when this life ends, but one that starts the moment you believe.

The kind of life God wants for you is an abundant life, filled with love, joy, peace, prosperity and purpose. Will it be perfect and you never experience hardship again? No. Unfortunately, suffering is a part of humanity, and God never promised that you wouldn’t suffer sometimes.

What God does promise you is that:

You’ll never have to suffer alone (Matthew 28:20).
You’ll have supernatural help and grace when you suffer (Hebrews 4:16).
And your suffering will never be in vain (Romans 8:18).

If you’re going to have to endure hardship anyway, why not do it with the only one who has defeated every hardship known to man (Hebrews 4:15)… including death itself (Revelation 1:18)? After all, no one else in this universe can promise to never leave you or forsake you and actually live up to it (Hebrews 13:5).

Ready to take the next step?

Say these statements aloud:

I repent of my sins and ask you God to forgive me.
I believe that God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life (John 3:16).
I believe that Jesus Christ lived, died on a cross, was buried, and rose again with all power in his hands.
God, I believe you are both my Lord and savior and I accept your gift of eternal life.

If you said each of those statements with sincerity, then friend, you now have eternal life. It begins TODAY and you can consider yourself saved. Write down today’s date because it’s your spiritual birthday… Because if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old things have passed away; behold, the new has come into being (2 Corinthians 5:17).

All of heaven and its angels are rejoicing (Luke 15:10)… and so am I!
Welcome to the family!

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