This month will mark six months since my divorce has been final. While the overall process has taken years, I was broken long before I said “I do.” I just didn’t know it. Getting married at 23 years old meant walking into a relationship with someone without a full understanding of who I was. Not because of young age, but because of my own lack of self-awareness. I know for certain that I was clueless about the traits, character and desires I embodied, but of course no one could tell me that then. While there were several issues that led to the end of that marriage, it didn’t help that I brought all of my childhood hurts, immaturity, low self-worth, and pseudo pride along for the ride. In fact, they were front-seat drivers that, like a GPS, I followed willfully. Crashing into anything and anyone bold enough to be honest with me.
By now you may be wondering what all this has to do with restoration, well, everything. I thought that coming out of that marriage was all the restoration my life needed. However, after it was final and after going through all the stages of grief (maybe even twice), I realized that I still needed to be restored.
The chains I thought were keeping me from my best self were not external. I needed freedom from my thoughts, perspective, beliefs about myself, and a heart that had been broken since childhood. My marriage wasn’t the bondage, it was the byproduct of the bondage I struggled with inside. It wasn’t until I realized that and surrendered my whole self (childhood hurts and all) to God that he could truly restore me… and not just from divorce. But also from the brokenness that led me astray long before that. In this article, I walk through a passage of scripture that provides a glimpse into what restoration looked like for me over the past few months, and what it can look like for you when you surrender it all. Let’s take a look at a the 23rd Psalm (ESV).
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
3 He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.
Embracing God’s Character, Provision and Direction
Looking at the order of actions that lead up to verse 3, David, the writer of this Psalm starts by acknowledging who God is in his life (The Lord is my shepherd) and what that means for him (I shall not want)… which is to say I need for nothing because God provides. He then speaks to physical rest (He makes me lie down), choosing to use the word “makes” in this phrase. By saying God makes him lie down in green pastures David implies that he is reluctant to resting. I know this feeling all too well, wanting to be productive in every moment of the day.
But much like when the Earth was formed and God rested on the seventh day, God wants us to rest. In fact, he commands it. How can we come to know what’s truly happening in and around us, if we’re always moving? How can we have the fortitude to live this set-apart life if we never stop to rest? We cannot. Allowing yourself to rest, especially after experiencing hurt, is an act of faith that says, “God, I trust you.” In doing that, we make room for his healing power.
I also must point out how God specifically makes him lie down in green pastures and leads him beside still waters, suggesting that God not only provides for David, but knows what’s best for him to feed on. Perhaps if it were up to David, he may have chosen to feed on other things. Coming back to myself, I can recall times in my life when I was made to feed on and even crave the things of God because I’d allowed myself to feed on everything else I thought I wanted.
Taking Accountability for My Actions
After making myself sick with things that weren’t nourishing me, I tried God and found that He was the only one who could quench my thirst. I believe this is a grave error I made in relationships, including marriage, where I relied on companionship for sustenance instead of God. There is a craving for God’s love that He placed within us and no person or thing can satisfy that craving. It wouldn’t be fair to place such a huge responsibility on a human, not even ourselves. We simply cannot do for ourselves what God can. The sooner I accepted that, they sooner I was able to experience God’s agape love, joy, peace and presence in every area of my life.
It is in verse 3 that we see how once David is taken care of on a physical level, God tends to his soul (He restores my soul). As I was praying randomly the other day, God brought this particular verse to my memory. And it pierced my soul in a good way. In reciting repetitively “YOU restore my soul,” I was reminded of where my strength and healing truly comes from. It can be easy to think that natural activities alone will help you find your way back to joy, peace, healing or strength. For me, those activities look like journaling, walks, sleep, days off from work, or me-time (can you say kid-free days?!). But none of those can hold a candle to purely spending time with God, the source of everything we need. Even the things we never knew we needed.
Discovering the Key to Restoration
I can sometimes get caught up by the idea that talks with friends/family, inspirational podcasts, books and even sermons will do the trick. But a sincere prayer from my heart, a passage read from the bible, or time of praise and worship from my own living room will provide more restoration to my soul than anything else ever could. If we believe God is in fact life (love, joy, peace, strength, rest, and renewal), then we must also believe that connecting with Him gives us direct access to that life. By prioritizing connecting with him regularly, we can sustain that life.
That has been the true key to my healing and restoration post-divorce – making it a dire priority to spend time with God. He comforts me when I’m aching spiritually or emotionally. He gives me clarity when I feel lost or confused. He loves on me when I’m feeling broken (read Psalm 34), and he exchanges my weakness for His strength when I’m struggling to press forward. He is my best friend and he’s always there. Had I not given Him time to do what only he can do (through honest prayer, reading the bible, worship, and consistently welcoming Him into my day), I would still be feeling empty, brokenhearted, and lonely.
Life After Healing Is What God Wants Most for Us
Once David’s soul is restored, David has the power he needs for righteousness (he leads me in the paths of righteousness), and not for David to gloat in his own doing but ultimately to bring God glory (for his name’s sake). As the prayer continues, David shares how he is able to conquer fear with God by his side (verse 4), is victorious in front of his enemies, receiving God’s anointing and bountiful blessings (verse 5), and is graced for what God has called him to for the rest of his life (verse 6). Take notice that the catalyst for David’s success in God, was being restored. Once he was healed, purposed followed.
What I love about this Psalm is how intentional the order is. I believe it speaks to how we should prioritize our lives. Without rest and restoration in God, none of what he has called us to do will be possible. David found success, being named a man after God’s own heart, because he knew where his true source of power and healing came from. In this life, we are inevitably going to experience setbacks, hurt, pain, and disappointments, but the difference Christians have is God’s promise to always be with us (Hebrews 13:5). If I have to walk through hell or the valley of the shadow of death, I want to do it with the one who has conquered both death and hell himself. Because he, and only he, has the power to keep me through it.
By ending the prayer with “and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever,” David makes an allegiance to remain close to God. That is where life, grace, mercy, provision, rest, renewal, healing and purpose all reside… near God. The more we stay near Him, the more access we have to restoration and His overall goodness. Not that His goodness becomes our only motive, but ultimately that our lives would bring glory to God. That through our lives, we draw in others who don’t know of this beautiful bond they can take hold of – whether divorced, married or single.
Other Scriptures on Restoration Worth Reading:
Psalm 19:7-8 (ESV)
The law of the Lord is perfect,[a]
reviving the soul;
the testimony of the Lord is sure,
making wise the simple;
8 the precepts of the Lord are right,
rejoicing the heart;
the commandment of the Lord is pure,
enlightening the eyes;
Psalm 51:12 (ESV)
Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and uphold me with a willing spirit.
As you delve into these scriptures, I encourage you to make prayer a daily habit while you embark on this journey of surrender, healing and restoration. You can pray as long, as short or as often as you’d like, but in whatever way you choose, consider asking God for restoration, wholeness, healing, a sound mind, and a pure heart. And remember, you are perfectly whole.
The Good News: Not All Relationships End
I hope you were encouraged by this post. There’s a lot we can do to better navigate through rough patches of life like divorce. Before I go though, I want to make sure you know what the best thing you can do is. That’s entering into a relationship that will never end… one with Jesus Christ. He is the best gift you can give yourself today.
Through him, his love for you, and the sacrifice of his life for your sins, you can have a life you never would’ve imagined. God loves you so much that even when humanity fell into sin, he already had a plan to restore his relationship with you.
God gave his only son – who died on a cross, was buried, and rose from the dead – so that you could have eternal life. And not eternal life that starts when this life ends, but one that starts the moment you believe.
The kind of life God wants for you is an abundant life, filled with love, joy, peace, prosperity and purpose. Will it be perfect and you never experience hardship again? No. Unfortunately, suffering is a part of humanity, and God never promised that you wouldn’t suffer sometimes.
What God does promise you is that:
- You’ll never have to suffer alone (Matthew 28:20).
- You’ll have supernatural help and grace when you suffer (Hebrews 4:16).
- And your suffering will never be in vain (Romans 8:18).
If you’re going to have to endure hardship anyway, why not do it with the only one who has defeated every hardship known to man (Hebrews 4:15)… including death itself (Revelation 1:18)? After all, no one else in this universe can promise to never leave you or forsake you and actually live up to it (Hebrews 13:5).
Ready to take the next step?
Say these statements aloud:
- I repent of my sins and ask you God to forgive me.
- I believe that God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life (John 3:16).
- I believe that Jesus Christ lived, died on a cross, was buried, and rose again with all power in his hands.
- God, I believe you are both my Lord and savior and I accept your gift of eternal life.
If you said each of those statements with sincerity, then friend, you now have eternal life. It begins TODAY and you can consider yourself saved. Write down today’s date because it’s your spiritual birthday… Because if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old things have passed away; behold, the new has come into being (2 Corinthians 5:17).
All of heaven and its angels are rejoicing (Luke 15:10)… and so am I!
Welcome to the family!
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- Navigating Loneliness During the Holidays After Divorce
- Embracing Single Life After Divorce: A Christian Perspective
- Encouragement for Newly Divorced Women: Bearing the Brutal Beginning
- Encouragement for Newly Divorced Women: How to Find Your Joy Again
- Encouragement for Newly Divorced Women: How to Take Your Power Back (publishing September)
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