**This article is a snapshot of the “Find Your Tribe Sis” episode of the Perfectly Whole podcast, in case you prefer to listen.

If you’ve ever tried to make a new friend as an adult, you may know that it can be super awkward. Trying to find, approach and then get to know someone well enough to build a lasting friendship takes time, trust and a concerted effort.

For children and young adults, it can be a bit easier to find a tribe because they’re already within a community: school. Whether it’s middle school or college, students can spot other students who have similar interests (i.e. clubs, sports, band) and they see the same faces often enough to build a consistent bond over time.

Adults, however, either find themselves constantly around new people (those who live spontaneous/busy lives), or have such rigid routines that they hardly ever see new faces. That can make it extremely hard to find a person, let alone a community of people to connect with.

Plus, what happens once you finally find a potential friend? How do you cultivate that relationship without coming off as weird, too friendly or clingy, or the opposite – like you’re not interested?

Well, after living in three states as an adult where I knew no one, I’ve had to find ways to come out of my shell and make friends. I don’t think I’ve always gotten it right (there were some casualties along the way), but I have recognized what actions have led me to who I now call my tribe. And the more I fall back on these behaviors and mindsets when I meet new people, the easier I find it is to strike up new friendships.

So, what should I do to make new friends as an adult?

1. Let go of the “no new friends” mentality.

People’s lives evolve. If we choose to only have the friends we had growing up, we might find ourselves living in a lonely world. And why bother to read this article? What happens if you get an awesome job offer in a new state? Will you never try to make friends in your new city? Will you only engage in person with your old friend when he/she comes to town?

I’d hope not. Strive to maintain your existing friendships long-distance, but be open to the friendships that could bud in your new residence.

2. Look for people with common interests who are on the paths you cross daily.

By paying close attention to those who surround you every day, you may find that more potential friends exist in your community than you thought. I know I can easily have tunnel vision when I run errands, visit the gym, and go to and from work. I hardly ever stop to mingle with anyone. Not intentionally; I’m just naturally the kind of person to stay to myself.

I was like that at my current job. So much so that a few years ago, when my job hired several new women, they noticed me and reached out before I noticed them (smh). It wasn’t until we began to talk that I found out that I came off as a recluse. And I honestly never noticed that I was giving those vibes. I’m glad they took the first step because now we’re inseparable. Thanks to that experience, I now make an effort to be more self-aware and notice the faces around me. And I’ve since found it easier to spark new friendships.

3. Step out of your comfort zone and show your interest in people.

Simply put, make it known that you want to get to know someone. People aren’t mind readers. Small gestures and acts of kindness can show a person you care. People remember how you make them feel. Remembering a person’s birthday or offering to help with their event can go a long way.

4. When other women step out of their comfort zone with you, be willing to reciprocate.

When someone makes the first move, take a chance at seeing where it goes. Don’t be so quick to shut people down or assume you two won’t click. If their invite is to something you’re not into, counteroffer. Not a drinker? Offer to grab smoothies or shakes instead. Feel weird about getting your nails done together? Invite them to a Sip & Paint instead.

By making an effort to honor their request, you not only demonstrate your interest, but you may make the next arrangement feel more natural (because now you both feel like the other is just as open to hanging out as you).

5. Don’t be afraid to connect with friends of friends, without the shade of course.

This one doesn’t have to be hard. If a friend introduces you to their friends, be friendly. Now you’ve met a group of people you can get to know. And from that may bud other long-lasting sisterhoods.

By “without the shade” I mean, if you can’t find a way to hang out with your friend’s friends without it seeming shady, invite them all. Even if you don’t end up vibing with everyone, at least everyone will know they were thought of. And then let the chips fall where they may. Those who want to grow their friendship with you will make that known over time (with every invite). This topic isn’t black and white, but you know when a situation feels shady… try your best to avoid that by communicating your intentions early and often.

6. Be consistent from jump.

No one likes a one-sided friendship. This one is self-explanatory, but I go more in depth on the podcast.

7. This one is my favorite…

…and I’ve shared it on the Perfectly Whole podcast. I encourage you to give it a listen and share what you think after.

Thanks for reading!